Nun jokes – by Don Alhambra

You can blame Don Alhambra for these… and if you can do better (or worse) send ’em in! We have no shame…

Two nuns in a bath. One says, “Where’s the soap?” The other says,
“Yes, it does, doesn’t it?”

Sealed

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when a vampire jumps out in front of them. “Quick, show him your cross!” says the first. The second rolls down the window and shouts, “Get out of here, you toothy bastard!”

Sealed

There’s a nun in the bath and she hears a knock on the door. “Who is it?” she calls out. “It’s the blind man,” comes the reply. So she thinks about this for a minute, and decides that that should be safe enough. “Ok, you can come in,” she says. The door opens and a man comes in, and says: “Nice tits, where do you want me to hang the blind?”

Sealed

What’s black and white and very dangerous?
A nun on a skateboard.

Sealed

A busload of nuns crashes and all the nuns are killed. They line up at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter calls out “OK! Can we form an orderly queue please? Now there are a lot of you today so we’ll do this as efficiently as we can. You’re all nuns so you should have been fairly good, but in order to get in I need you to tell me if you’ve ever touched a penis.”

The first nun steps forward. “I… might have touched one with the tip of my finger once,” she says.

Peter nods. “Ok, that’s not so bad. Just dip your finger in this holy water here, and you’re in.” The nun does so, and is admitted to Heaven. Peter turns to the next nun.

“Um… I kind of gave one a bit of a massage once,” the nun says.

Peter nods again. “Weelll, that’s not too bad I guess. Just dip your hand in this holy water here, and you’re in.” The nun does so, and is admitted to Heaven.

Just then there is a scuffle and some shouting from the back of the line. St. Peter shouts, “What’s going on? Calm down, all of you! Now what is behind all this fuss?”

And a voice from the back of the line shouts, “Well I’m damn sure I’m going to gargle with that stuff before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!”

Sealed

A Mother Superior and two junior nuns are killed in a car crash. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says to them: “Ok ladies, in order to get into Heaven you will need to answer a couple of questions. Since you’re nuns this shoudn’t be too difficult.”

He turns to the first nun. “What was the name of the first man?”

“Adam,” she promptly replies, and is admitted into Heaven.

Peter turns to the second nun. “What was the name of the first woman?”

“Um… Eve,” the second nun replies and is admitted into Heaven.

Peter finally turns to the Mother Superior. “Now, since you are senior, the question is going to be more difficult. Think carefully before answering. What did the first woman say to the first man when they first met?”

The Mother Superior thinks for a moment. “My, that’s a hard one,” she says.

And she is admitted to Heaven.

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